(Applause Cue)

I'd like to thank my father, for having had a hand in creating me. Or, not a hand, but... I'd also like to thank Baltimore Gas and Electric, for the hot water in my bath, and Proctor and Gamble for the bubbles. I'd like to thank my sister for the soft cozy yellow pajamas, and Charlie Hall for my waterbed, where I slept very soundly under a down quilt. Thank you to the geese who gave their lives for my comfort.

Thank you to my friend Bridget for the invitation to brunch with champagne Mimosas, and a pool for the crazy, chattering kids. Thank you to the children for not going into thermal shock and requiring a trip to the hospital, which would really have put a crimp in my plans.

Thank you to Vietnam, for supplying the lovely Vietnamese nail techs at the salon. Naturally, I want to thank my mother for having me, and for evolving from a crunchy granola hippie into an acrylic nail-wearing BoomerFox. Thank you to my sister for insisting that a manicure/pedicure should not just be a birthday experience. Thank you to the lovely nail tech Anna, for recommending a local Japanese Hibachi restaurant.

Thank you to Rocky Aoki for popularizing the stylized cooking of Japanese Hibachi. Thank you to the gods for timing our arrival at somewhat after lunch and slightly before dinner. Thank you to my husband for hurrying to join us before the show was over, looking quite nice and smelling better than a trucker ought.

A big, big thank you to my husband for thinking that having kids was a good idea, and likewise to the kids, who are more fun to have around than I have any right to expect.

Most of all, though, thank you to Julia Ward Howe and Ana Jarvis for deciding that mothers deserve a special day, and of course, thank you Hallmark for jumping all over that bandwagon.

And finally, may I just say that I am honored, just honored, to have been chosen by the Academy...

...oh, sorry. Wrong speech.